1.) Just ask.
You know the phrase "good things come to those who wait"? It’s completely untrue. Good things come to those who ask for them. Every great opportunity that has come my way has been because I asked for it. Sure, there are people who are better, smarter, and more qualified for just about everything I’m currently doing. But they’re all sitting around waiting for people to come after their spectacular talent.
If you want something, ask for it. What’s the worst that could happen? They say no, and you’re right back where you started - down only the few minutes it took to ask. Particularly in the world of Twitter and email, asking is so simple and quick that there’s no reason not to just go for it. Ask, and you shall receive.
2.) Whenever possible, quit.
I take on too many responsibilities. I’m bad at saying no, and good at overwhelming myself and then not getting anything done. It’s something I think a lot of people are guilty of, and it’s not actually beneficial to anyone. I get overwhelmed, the people I’m doing things for get at best shoddy work, and everybody’s worse off.
So here’s what I’ve learned: quit. Anything you possibly can, quit. We do so many things that don’t add any value to our lives or anyone else’s, and those things get in the way of that which is actually worthwhile. My favorite example is reading a book – if it’s bad, we still tend to finish it just because we’ve already invested time in it. Why not cut our losses, stop reading, and spend that time reading a better book? Being a quitter is not a bad thing - it’s a smart thing. Remove the things from your life that have no value, regardless of how much time you’ve invested, and put your time and energy into things that actually matter.
3.) Ready, Fire, Aim.
I didn’t invent the phrase "Ready, Fire, Aim," but I wish I did. It speaks to a different way of doing things that leads to infinitely better results. Our tendency is to wait for the perfect moment, wait for the stars to align, and for everything to be perfect before we start doing whatever it is we want to do.
Don’t do that, just start! Do it - do it terribly and then step back, take a look, and re-focus to do it better the next time. Google’s done it with a ton of products and it works; they get a decent, but imperfect, product out there and let the trial by fire help them improve it.
If you want to do something, do it. Do it now. Do it wrong. Then figure out what was wrong, and do it better the next time. Ready. Fire. Aim.
4.) Think huge.
One piece of advice everyone gives is "shoot for the moon...even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars." First of all, that is just false. The stars are SO much further away than the moon. But, despite vast astronomical inaccuracies, the point of the saying is dead on.
Dreaming big has two great advantages. First, it ensures that you don’t get bogged down in the small stuff, and that you’re always shooting for something bigger. We’ve all got the capability for huge things in us, and if you want something that’s way beyond you it will keep you running forward rather than standing still.
But the best thing about goal-setting is that it helps you figure out what to do and who to be. When you’re making important decisions, knowing what you ultimately want is critical. If, say, you want to be a fashion designer, many decisions in your life will be made easier by knowing what you want the end result to be. You’ll take certain jobs, live in certain places, meet certain people, and so on. Dream big and know what you want, and the steps to get there usually make themselves clear.
5.) Live in the details.
This sounds totally counterintuitive to the last point, but it really isn’t. Whether as a friend, family member, co-worker, or whatever, being detail-oriented is a huge skill. You’ll remember things better, know people better, and be more equipped to know what’s going on. Knowing the small steps - the "nitty-gritty" - makes you indispensable in all that you do.
To be honest, it’s a rare breed that can both dream and be in the details, but both can be worked on. Being detail-oriented comes from paying close attention, being careful to observe everything, and being present (don’t get lost in your own head). Details can be anything from knowing when your best friend is lying, to understanding a complex process at work. Be observant, be careful, and you’ll be handsomely rewarded and highly sought after.
These all boil down, at their most basic, to one thing: seek value. Get rid of things that don’t add value, find things that do, and keep evaluating everything.
(20life)
Jul 11, 2009
Jul 4, 2009
- Stop Acting Like Such a Baby
If we really want to be happy, why do we act like such babies?
We can claim to be proactive in our life by settings goals and going after what we want. But if we’re always whining and complaining all the time, are we really living effectively?
If you don’t believe me, count how many times you complain about something or other in one day. Whether it be being stuck in traffic, being bothered by the weather, not enough mustard on your sandwich, or whatever it is, there are endless instances where you can find a reason to complain.
But it’s not just outside circumstances that we complain about. We complain about about ourselves too. We complain that we don’t have enough time, we don’t have enough money (this one is huge because it’s often “true”), that we’re not smart enough, cool enough, or just enough.
Imagine how much happier you would be if you simply stopped complaining? Much of what you complain about is outside of your control anyway. What’s the point of brooding about something you have no power to change? Not very intelligent, if you ask me.
Simply becoming conscious of how much you complain is the first step to stopping. When you recognize that you’re complaining, stop and take notice of it. Ask yourself if you would rather complain, or be happy.
Are you ready to live a complaint-free, happier life?
The two steps to stop whining so much:
Make it a priority to notice every time you complain or unnecessarily criticize. This includes judging others. Now, every time you catch yourself complaining, just stop and notice it.
After you’ve noticed yourself complaining, ask yourself this: Is there anything I can do about what I’m complaining about, or it outside of my control? If there is something you can do about it, do it. If there is nothing you can do, let it go.
Obviously, this is a little easier said than done. Complaining is an addiction and a hard habit to break. Like any other habit to break, it will take time.
Even though it may be a long time (or possibly never) before you’re living completely complaint-free, that’s still okay. The good news is this isn’t all-or-nothing. Even 10% less complaining will have an immediate positive impact on your life. Then, once you’ve decreased your whining by 10%, you can keep bootstrapping your way down to complaining less and less.
After complaints show up less and less, something awesome starts to happen. Once your mind realizes that you won’t tolerate its moaning, it will begin to give up its efforts. (Whatever you do, don’t fall into the trap of complaining that you’re complaining.)
(zenh)
We can claim to be proactive in our life by settings goals and going after what we want. But if we’re always whining and complaining all the time, are we really living effectively?
If you don’t believe me, count how many times you complain about something or other in one day. Whether it be being stuck in traffic, being bothered by the weather, not enough mustard on your sandwich, or whatever it is, there are endless instances where you can find a reason to complain.
But it’s not just outside circumstances that we complain about. We complain about about ourselves too. We complain that we don’t have enough time, we don’t have enough money (this one is huge because it’s often “true”), that we’re not smart enough, cool enough, or just enough.
Imagine how much happier you would be if you simply stopped complaining? Much of what you complain about is outside of your control anyway. What’s the point of brooding about something you have no power to change? Not very intelligent, if you ask me.
Simply becoming conscious of how much you complain is the first step to stopping. When you recognize that you’re complaining, stop and take notice of it. Ask yourself if you would rather complain, or be happy.
Are you ready to live a complaint-free, happier life?
The two steps to stop whining so much:
Make it a priority to notice every time you complain or unnecessarily criticize. This includes judging others. Now, every time you catch yourself complaining, just stop and notice it.
After you’ve noticed yourself complaining, ask yourself this: Is there anything I can do about what I’m complaining about, or it outside of my control? If there is something you can do about it, do it. If there is nothing you can do, let it go.
Obviously, this is a little easier said than done. Complaining is an addiction and a hard habit to break. Like any other habit to break, it will take time.
Even though it may be a long time (or possibly never) before you’re living completely complaint-free, that’s still okay. The good news is this isn’t all-or-nothing. Even 10% less complaining will have an immediate positive impact on your life. Then, once you’ve decreased your whining by 10%, you can keep bootstrapping your way down to complaining less and less.
After complaints show up less and less, something awesome starts to happen. Once your mind realizes that you won’t tolerate its moaning, it will begin to give up its efforts. (Whatever you do, don’t fall into the trap of complaining that you’re complaining.)
(zenh)
Jul 3, 2009
- Are you Positive and Proactive?
Sometimes, we can feel overwhelmed by life, feeling as though small problems are bigger than they should be or that we lose control of ourselves and the outcomes we wish to achieve. Whether it's based on a bad day or a bad year, the solutions are always easier than they seem and yet we fail to see them so clearly.
We often think deeply about the problems we face, try to understand its source or seek others for help and support. But what if you were told that these solutions were the wrong approach to solving the struggles we encounter? In fact, if these were the right solutions then you would be in the perfect place in life, never feeling helpless, alone, or confused without the knowledge and strength to overcome your difficulties. When we dwell on illness, debts, failure, or relationship issues, we plunge ourselves more deeply into a well of overwhelming problems. When we try to think about the root cause of our troubles, we often ignore that our minds and perspectives are biased and erroneous. And when we seek others for support, we often seek the help in those who confirm that we are in the right and ignore the fact that our own past actions are what created our current situation.
Building resentment, frustration, anger, or sadness as well as deciding not to decide or deciding not to care are all false coping mechanisms that we regularly use when we are faced with dilemmas. There is only one solution that exists and that is to find resolution, regardless of how big or small the problem is.
Resolution is the act of creating positive outcomes out of negative events by becoming proactive. Although it's true that a problem is only a problem if you see it as such, and that having a positive attitude in life generates positive circumstances, but how many times have you tried to take hold of that positive attitude only to find yourself denying the problem you need to face? The true challenge in becoming proactive is in seeing challenges in life as opportunities to learn and grow. No matter how traumatizing or mundane a problem is, there's always a purpose for encountering a roadblock and appreciating that purpose is the key to overcoming it.
So why is it that we don't all become proactive? It's because we're often focusing on the problems we have. Rather than looking beyond the problems and keeping our eyes on the goal, we focus in on the problems at hand, ultimately magnifying them till they become overwhelming.
Here are some strategies I've put together to help you get over the bumpy road you may be facing and find yourself a positive outlook.
1 - Change the way you think so you can change the way you feel.
Instead of letting all those negative thoughts run wild in your mind, think positively (or objectively at least). Once you begin to avoid thinking negatively, you will begin to act in a more positive fashion.
2 - In the moments when you can't help being angry or irritated, take a deep breath.
Taking deep breaths for a few seconds is a very well known stress-management technique and it's very effective. Consciously slow your breath down to a regular rhythm while thinking of nothing at all. This will naturally help remove all the negative thoughts.
3 - Get back to the basics and stop worrying about all those extras (like the fancy car, the brand-name clothes, your social status, etc.).
We often spend our time comparing ourselves with others, thus feeling unsatisfied with what we have and our own personal accomplishments. A great man once said: "the way to being a great man is to be better than the man you were yesterday" (or something like that).
4 - Our daily issues and concerns seem miniscule when they're a bigger picture in the way.
Think about a great project to do, a mission, something bigger than yourself or your family. Think about something that can impact a greater number of people for an extended period of time. This activity will put you higher on the 'life goal scale' and make all your other problems seem minimal. When you no longer see your problems as too big to overcome, they no longer become major challenges in your life, you develop the courage you need to face them, and you seem to magically overcome them easily!
Admittedly, these techniques will take time to cultivate but with strength and determination, your stress will be greatly reduced and the more you do it, the easier it gets!
(pdf)
We often think deeply about the problems we face, try to understand its source or seek others for help and support. But what if you were told that these solutions were the wrong approach to solving the struggles we encounter? In fact, if these were the right solutions then you would be in the perfect place in life, never feeling helpless, alone, or confused without the knowledge and strength to overcome your difficulties. When we dwell on illness, debts, failure, or relationship issues, we plunge ourselves more deeply into a well of overwhelming problems. When we try to think about the root cause of our troubles, we often ignore that our minds and perspectives are biased and erroneous. And when we seek others for support, we often seek the help in those who confirm that we are in the right and ignore the fact that our own past actions are what created our current situation.
Building resentment, frustration, anger, or sadness as well as deciding not to decide or deciding not to care are all false coping mechanisms that we regularly use when we are faced with dilemmas. There is only one solution that exists and that is to find resolution, regardless of how big or small the problem is.
Resolution is the act of creating positive outcomes out of negative events by becoming proactive. Although it's true that a problem is only a problem if you see it as such, and that having a positive attitude in life generates positive circumstances, but how many times have you tried to take hold of that positive attitude only to find yourself denying the problem you need to face? The true challenge in becoming proactive is in seeing challenges in life as opportunities to learn and grow. No matter how traumatizing or mundane a problem is, there's always a purpose for encountering a roadblock and appreciating that purpose is the key to overcoming it.
So why is it that we don't all become proactive? It's because we're often focusing on the problems we have. Rather than looking beyond the problems and keeping our eyes on the goal, we focus in on the problems at hand, ultimately magnifying them till they become overwhelming.
Here are some strategies I've put together to help you get over the bumpy road you may be facing and find yourself a positive outlook.
1 - Change the way you think so you can change the way you feel.
Instead of letting all those negative thoughts run wild in your mind, think positively (or objectively at least). Once you begin to avoid thinking negatively, you will begin to act in a more positive fashion.
2 - In the moments when you can't help being angry or irritated, take a deep breath.
Taking deep breaths for a few seconds is a very well known stress-management technique and it's very effective. Consciously slow your breath down to a regular rhythm while thinking of nothing at all. This will naturally help remove all the negative thoughts.
3 - Get back to the basics and stop worrying about all those extras (like the fancy car, the brand-name clothes, your social status, etc.).
We often spend our time comparing ourselves with others, thus feeling unsatisfied with what we have and our own personal accomplishments. A great man once said: "the way to being a great man is to be better than the man you were yesterday" (or something like that).
4 - Our daily issues and concerns seem miniscule when they're a bigger picture in the way.
Think about a great project to do, a mission, something bigger than yourself or your family. Think about something that can impact a greater number of people for an extended period of time. This activity will put you higher on the 'life goal scale' and make all your other problems seem minimal. When you no longer see your problems as too big to overcome, they no longer become major challenges in your life, you develop the courage you need to face them, and you seem to magically overcome them easily!
Admittedly, these techniques will take time to cultivate but with strength and determination, your stress will be greatly reduced and the more you do it, the easier it gets!
(pdf)
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