Nov 27, 2009

- Can you be Positive? Why?

Why positive thinking don’t work for many people

Pushing a positive statement to your mind is the same exactly as trying to convince your mind to believe into the statement you just pushed. In my previous article how to convince people I explained how overcoming the opposing beliefs is one of the most important factors in convincing someone to believe in something.
Lets suppose that only 10 minutes were left before the meeting begins and you still had to get dressed up and drive a long distance, will repeating a positive statement such as "I will arrive on time" work? Of course it won’t because its against your current beliefs and the logical rules of life.
This is also the same reason why affirmations never work! Trying to convince your mind to believe that you are confident in the morning while you fail to approach people at night will certainly prevent your mind from believing you.
I am sure you had a motivating song that used to motivate you whenever you listed to it but one day you listened to it and nothing happened. The reason you weren’t motivated this time is because your belief system at the time of hearing the song had some opposing beliefs to the song's words.
For example if you felt depressed (which means you have lost hope) listening to all the motivating songs in the world will never help you feel Good simply because you have lots of opposing beliefs to the hopefulness of the songs.

The right way to think positively

Based on all of the previous facts we can come up with the following approach that will help you think positively without doing mistakes that overshadows your positive thinking efforts:
  • Don’t challenge the beliefs but use logic to convince your mind: If you are already late then don’t keep telling yourself that you will arrive on time but instead remind yourself of the times you arrived late and nothing bad happened
  • Understand the opposing beliefs and challenge them: While repeating the positive suggestion to yourself you will get direct replies from your subconscious mind like "No you can’t do that" or "you never did that before". Try to examine these negative replies and see if you can provide reassurance to your subconscious mind or opposing arguments .
  • Remove the barriers one by one: One of the things you will discover while trying to convince your subconscious mind to believe in a positive thought is that as soon you manage to bypass an opposing belief you will hit another one. According to the psychology of convincing you need to bypass all opposing beliefs one by one in order to successfully convince the other party, so this is pretty normal!

* Leadership most reliable predictor

Research shows that trust & confidence in top leadership is the most reliable predictor of employee satisfaction.


A lot of the world troubles stem from lack of self-image: not being confident in who you are and what you're supposed to be doing in life.

Wisdom could very well start with a little perspective.

There's part of me that realizes that everything is completely meaningless, really. That if the human being were to die in the next ten minutes, this Earth would still be spinning and it would rectify its growth pattern and human beings would be forgotten and the next life form would start, right?

We need a little perspective about how unimportant what we do is! Having said that, I think it's very important to like yourself, it's important to love your family and love your friends and do things that help you grow and help you sleep.

That's what I'm trying to do with my life.

Nov 21, 2009

Small Formula of Success

I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure: which is: Try to please everybody!

Nov 17, 2009

* Active Listening

Hear What People Are Really Saying

Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others.
We listen to obtain information.
We listen to understand.
We listen for enjoyment.
We listen to learn.

Given all this listening we do, you would think we’d be good at it! In fact we’re not. Depending on the study being quoted, we remember a dismal 25-50% of what we hear. That means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they only really hear 2½-5 minutes of the conversation.
Turn it around and it reveals that when you are receiving directions or being presented with information, you aren’t hearing the whole message either. You hope the important parts are captured in your 25- 50%, but what if they’re not?
Clearly, listening is a skill that we can all benefit from improving. By becoming a better listener, you will improve your productivity, as well as your ability to influence, persuade negotiate. What’s more, you’ll avoid conflict and misunderstandings – all necessary for workplace success. )

Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness. By understanding your personal style of communicating, you will go a long way towards creating good and lasting impressions with others.

The way to become a better listener is to practice “active listening”. This is where you make a conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, to try and understand the total message being sent.
In order to do this you must pay attention to the other person very carefully.
You cannot allow yourself to become distracted by what else may be going on around you, or by forming counter arguments that you’ll make when the other person stops speaking. Nor can you allow yourself to lose focus on what the other person is saying. All of these barriers contribute to a lack of listening and understanding. 

If you're finding it particularly difficult to concentrate on what someone is saying, try repeating their words mentally as they say it – this will reinforce their message and help you control mind drift.

To enhance your listening skills, you need to let the other person know that you are listening to what he or she is saying. To understand the importance of this, ask yourself if you’ve ever been engaged in a conversation when you wondered if the other person was listening to what you were saying. You wonder if your message is getting across, or if it’s even worthwhile to continue speaking. It feels like talking to a brick wall and it’s something you want to avoid.
Acknowledgement can be something as simple as a nod of the head or a simple “uh huh.” You aren’t necessarily agreeing with the person, you are simply indicating that you are listening. Using body language and other signs to acknowledge you are listening also reminds you to pay attention and not let your mind wander.
You should also try to respond to the speaker in a way that will both encourage him or her to continue speaking, so that you can get the information if you need. While nodding and “uh huhing” says you’re interested, an occasional question or comment to recap what has been said communicates that you understand the message as well. 

Becoming an Active Listener

There are five key elements of active listening. They all help you ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they are saying.
  1. Pay attention.
    Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message. Recognize that what is not said also speaks loudly.
    • Look at the speaker directly.
    • Put aside distracting thoughts. Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal!
    • Avoid being distracted by environmental factors.
    • “Listen” to the speaker’s body language.
    • Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.

  2. Show that you are listening.
    Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.
    • Nod occasionally.
    • Smile and use other facial expressions.
    • Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
    • Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.

  3. Provide feedback.
    Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.
    • Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…” are great ways to reflect back.
    • Ask questions to clarify certain points. “What do you mean when you say…” “Is this what you mean?”
    • Summarize the speaker’s comments periodically.
If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and ask for more information: "I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. What I thought you just said is XXX; is that what you meant?"

  1. Defer judgment.
    Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.
    • Allow the speaker to finish.
    • Don’t interrupt with counter-arguments.

  2. Respond Appropriately.
    Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.
    • Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
    • Assert your opinions respectfully.
    • Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated. 

Key Points:

It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits are hard to break, and if your listening habits are as bad as many people’s are, then there’s a lot of habit-breaking to do!
Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself constantly that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside all other thoughts and behaviors and concentrate on the message. Ask question, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message. If you don’t, then you’ll find that what someone says to you and what you hear can be amazingly different!
Start using active listening today to become a better communicator and improve your workplace productivity and relationships.


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